Emmanuel Macron, socialist upset in favor of a Soviet weight-reduction plan | EUROtoday

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HAt the wheel of the diesel SUV that my good friend Anne Hidalgo had lent me, I crossed Paris at excessive pace to succeed in the Great Mosque, proper subsequent to the church of Saint-Nicolas-du-Chardonnet, to hope in Hebrew for the reinstatement of the gag order amongst disbelieving principals. “If you please, give cash, it’s for deficit. » It was at a pink mild close to Bercy that I acknowledged our Minister of Finance, who was panhandling crudely disguised as an outdated lady with a kerchief, however whose tasseled moccasins left little shock as to his identification. of gender. It is subsequently with the mercy of the tender taxpayer that I liberally sprayed Bruno Le Maire with windshield washer fluid, earlier than setting off with a bang to succeed in the Saint-Arnoult tollbooth and contribute my contribution to the nationwide effort.

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The barista burned the money register on the refreshment bar

At the Mailhot household, on Easter Sunday, custom requires, we take pleasure in Easter lamb as a household. But this 12 months, shorn sheep will probably be on the plate. Holy Week ends with a renunciation of our Christian roots, Lent having barely ended, the eldest daughter of the Church should begin a quick once more. Because, oh, shock, we’re broke! Nono stated “the open bar” is over. The barista burned the money register and the beer will probably be poured quickly. After having rinsed ourselves like college students on the finish of the examination. Manu, this upset socialist, guarantees us a Soviet weight-reduction plan: ration tickets and unemployed folks within the gulag. Bruno Le Maire leads an exhausting existence, each week he discovers a brand new wolf in his fold. Some geology consultants report that the deficit is rising so deep {that a} shale fuel deposit may quickly emerge below the Bercy arch. Which would undoubtedly represent an ideal financing alternative. We mustn’t ever despair of technocratic genius… Good information: no extra want for assisted dying, France is already moribund.

Please word, this isn’t an April Fool's joke.

In the “do what I say, especially not what I do” collection, my champion of the week is a champion: Marine Tondelier. The new head of Europe Écologie-les Verts was caught together with his hand within the pot of quinoa. The one who not takes the aircraft to save lots of the ice floe was on an air journey to Guyana. More exactly in Cayenne, the place she confided that she visits her favourite tree yearly with a view to “check its good growth”. In brief, each time Marine involves kiss her banana tree, she produces as a lot carbon dioxide because the deforestation of 1 hectare of Amazonian forest.

But who’re we to guage? May he who has by no means planted a tree throw us the primary seed. Why accept a Facetime, when a Roissy-Cayenne spherical journey on enterprise opens your arms? In her protection, Louise Michel of the dry bogs has as traditional described her detractors as neo-fascist-colonialists, and can proceed, with a damaged coronary heart, to take the aircraft to be “at the service of all French people, including the excluded from overseas. She understood that the talent of a politician is to know how to put up with his contradictions, especially during an election period…

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At the FNSEA congress, Yannick Jadot renewed his calls for vigilance in the face of the wind power dictatorship and tried to reassure farmers. “In 2027, I will be the glyphosate candidate. » Éric Zemmour, accompanied by his three wives, held a meeting in front of the Clichy mosque. The leader of Reconquête was clear: the burqa is still very practical for cleaning. Receiving a standing ovation during her visit to the HEC-Mac Kinsey campus, Manon Aubry spoke out in favor of a massive reduction in employer contributions and a 10% flat tax. Traveling to the Courneuve swimming pool, Jordan Bardella, who for the occasion had donned a burkini, does not rule out giving foreigners the right to vote, only if they convert to Islam.

A position which greatly offended Jean-Luc Mélenchon. Guest of honor at the Crif dinner, the leader of the Insoumis, was firm: “We will eliminate the CAF for Palestinian students. » During the “cancel culture & virilism” conference given at Science Po Paris, François-Xavier Bellamy proposed unbolting the Cross of Lorraine. As for Anne Hidalgo, the brand new godmother of the Paris Automobile Club, she is considering a scooter scrappage bonus for the purchase of a used diesel vehicle over 15 years old.

Emmanuel Macron, who, as traditional, traveled and not using a digicam, hammered residence in Marseille: “Clientelism is the gangrene of politics. » As for Sandrine Rousseau, in an interview given to French hunter, disgusted by the diktat of the matriarchy, she announced that she was leaving politics, reason: “too many girls”. She stated she was “very honored” to lastly be capable of be part of the group of Big heads.

*Régis Mailhot is a French humorist and columnist, identified and acknowledged for his sharp pen, his freedom of tone and spirit, in addition to his comedian effectiveness. Stage, radio, tv, the person we nicknamed the soiled child of humor has been on all fronts for nearly twenty years. A profitable stage man and writer of satirical works, this troublemaker is revealed within the radio present King's idiot on France Inter, and devoted for 9 seasons on RTL together with his morning temper posts, and at noon alongside Stéphane Bern. It can also be rife within the cult Paris Première comedy present, Press evaluate.

Régis Mailhot is on the Théâtre des Deux Ânes and on tour together with his present The New Ridicules.