Why do youngsters want position fashions? | EUROtoday

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“Qhen I used to be youthful, I actually appreciated Harry Potter. For me, he was a job mannequin as a result of he had an awesome sense of justice, he was brave and he was beloved by everybody. In truth, I wished to be like him. » According to early childhood specialists, this means of identification, described right here by Jonas, 18 years outdated, is among the most vital mechanisms within the development of a person and his or her steadiness.

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“From early childhood, we develop by imitating, we reproduce the gestures and words of those around us,” explains Dana Castro*, scientific psychologist and psychotherapist. Thus, we uncover ourselves, we grow to be conscious of who we’re, first as a lady or boy then as a human being with a creating persona. » It is thus by “picking” right here and there attitudes, values, character traits that appear helpful or engaging to us that we are able to grow to be ourselves.

Mark your distinction out of your dad and mom

If the primary fashions are the dad and mom, they may then diversify. “There is a crucial moment around 4-5 years old when the child understands that the love his parents have for him is different from that which exists between them and that he will have to make his own way outside of this parental couple , underlines Catherine Jousselme**, professor of child psychiatry. To solve this equation, he will rely on other reference figures. It could be the grandparents, the school teacher, etc. »

Suddenly, the child will begin to distinguish himself from his parents in certain areas while continuing to associate with them in others. He will mark his difference: he hates walks in the forest when his parents love them, he really likes gardening like his grandfather or cycling like his cousin Agathe… “It is very important that parents accept that their child identifies with other people in the immediate or distant environment without feeling abandoned and reproaching them for it,” remarks Catherine Jousselme.

On the highway to autonomy

Of course, this second when you’re “dismissed” by your youngster is just not straightforward to handle. We have been Almighty God after which, all of the sudden, the trainer additionally turns into an distinctive being, or much more… “This process is, however, a stage of her empowerment,” continues Catherine Jousselme. If exterior identifications are prevented, the kid could tend to “withdraw” from his household in a type of dependence. He fears leaving his surroundings, has problem making buddies and turning to the skin world, generally even investing in class and studying. »

Instead, allow us to be shocked by our youngster! counsel the consultants. We had imagined him figuring out with a sure persona, much less with one other, and but… “I therefore recommend that parents observe this in a positive way – “I thought it wouldn’t sit well with your teacher. music and finally you get along wonderfully; wonderful” – as a result of the kid wants to indicate that sure, he’s a bit of totally different from us…”

Support for shallowness

Likewise, when youngsters grow to be infatuated with an awesome sportsman or a music star. “A little boy who attributes Mbappé's gestures to himself and a little girl who repeats Angèle's words send messages to themselves; I am strong like them, I have talent like them, explains Dana Castro. Identifying yourself then has a rewarding and positive effect on self-esteem. » Especially since this type of model also becomes a driving force for action, for example embarking on the practice of an art, a sport and finding motivation to perform.

“When I was a child, my role model was always my father, then, when I became a teenager, I started playing basketball and very quickly had a favorite player: Oklahoma City's Russell Westbrook. I really liked the way he played, I thought we were similar, someone quite aggressive with his contacts, quite fast and strong,” says Eliott, 21 years outdated.

Fan perspective and poisonous position fashions

Stimulating, subsequently, besides when the identification turns into… all-consuming. Particularly throughout adolescence. “The risk of identifying with someone exceptional is being disappointed and not being able to project yourself elsewhere,” remarks Catherine Jousselme. This is why we should be sure that a baby multiplies the fashions and has plans B: “OK, you would like to become a footballer like so-and-so but keep in mind your project in science because it can also be a great adventure! ” »

Another doable deviation, the mannequin which turns into obsession… “You can be a fan of any star, but on condition of keeping a minimum of distance,” continues the professional. When an adolescent desires to resemble his or her mannequin in each manner and in any respect prices, we’re not in a virtuous identification mechanism however in an enormous imitation which reveals an issue in being oneself. »

Not to say the fashions who aren’t… “In adolescence, identification is often oriented towards the peer group,” signifies Dana Castro. However, when a baby begins to need to resemble the boss of the gang who flirts with delinquency, it’s higher to react and draw his consideration to the truth that this “model” dangers creating dysfunction and struggling. »

A supply of optimistic feelings

However, typically – particularly when an adolescent was capable of establish in his early childhood with totally different figures of honesty, respect, temperance – the dangers of great slippage are restricted and the selection of future fashions stays related. Even decisive. “Since my adolescence, I have had an admiration for people who are committed, like Nelson Mandela, Léon Blum or Martin Luther King,” confides Jonas. It even influenced my alternative of orientation; I’ve simply handed the Sciences Po aggressive exams and I wish to dedicate my life to sturdy causes. »

Indeed, when the determine through which we mission ourselves embodies flamboyant success, it’s a supply of optimistic feelings. “It can awaken vocations, of course, but also simply provide a course of action,” notes Dana Castro. Keys, in a manner, to your complete life…

* Author of These life experiences that make us develop, Vigot editions, 2017

**Author of Psychological growth of the kid, Nathan editions, 2019