When compliments grow to be an influence technique | EUROtoday

On Jun 2, 2025

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CShape the Court of Caesar to an organization? This is an concept that may shock. In the corridors of a contemporary society, within the coronary heart of the hubbub of open areas, there isn’t any enviornment the place the cries of the gladiators resonate, no plots woven behind the toges, nor wild beasts within the shade able to leap, or blood flowing on white marble. However, underneath this easy floor, typically an excessive amount of to be honest, the dynamics stay the identical: fragile alliances that are knotted and unwinding in keeping with pursuits, smiles which disguise not at all times noble intentions, deep, discreet ambitions, able to spring on the most surprising second.

In enterprise, as in any courtyard, there are the loyalty, those that execute with out asking questions, trustworthy to the tip. Those who, quite the opposite, at all times discover a cause to problem, decelerate work, query choices. The lovely audio system, skilful relating to deploying vibrant phrases, however extra discreet when the time involves work. The moaning that speaks to amplify the slightest frustration. And then there are the virtuosos of flattery, those that caress the ego on one aspect, whereas sowing the uncertainty on the opposite. Did they are saying that by easy kindness? Is it a technique for getting one thing in return? Or a extra advanced sport, the place nothing is ever actually what it appears? Doubt stays.

“The first time I understood the power of flattery was ten years old, when I accompanied my mother to shop,” says Pauline, 36. I rapidly understood that if I advised her that the costume she tried was advantageous, that she was actually lovely in it, she ended up shopping for it. Happy together with her selection, she was then extra inclined to offer me a present in return. At the start, I made this sort of comment that once I sincerely thought, then I continued even when it was now not the case. But it was essential to dose, to not do an excessive amount of, in any other case I misplaced all credibility. This anecdote illustrates the very definition of flattery effectively: a delicate artwork which consists in hiding its true intention behind a phrase or a proposal, in quickly distracting to weaken the judgment. A type of mild manipulation, the place one seeks to appease somebody to keep away from a battle, to seduce to achieve their confidence, or to blur the tracks with a purpose to receive a bonus.

Flatterie, an efficient substitute for lack of recognition?

But let’s come again to what we’re involved with: the skilled world. There too, flattery interferes in all places, typically at low noise, in exchanges which appear innocent however at all times conceal a cost of energy and affect. This mechanism is a part of a broader context, that of a deep deficit in recognition and a tradition of suggestions nonetheless defective in France. In a universe the place frank and common exchanges would act as a compass, flattery typically imposes itself in Ersatz: uncommon and clumsy, it replaces the hundreds of each day returns that are sorely missing. Where sincerity and regularity ought to information skilled each day life, flattering phrases take priority, a type of fragile palliative within the face of silence and indifference, which weaken ties to work.

Read too “Everything becomes more mechanical”: how the “Colleague Zone” took priority over friendship at workÉlise, 41, supervisor in a big DIY group, acknowledges lacking time to reinforce every success individually or appropriate a misstep. During her weekly face-to-face factors together with her staff members, she typically chooses ease: flattering them, telling them that she may be very fortunate to have them, to have such concerned collaborators. “It puts a part in the machine,” she says. But she nuances rapidly: this explicit consideration is reserved for a part of her staff. Some naturally motivated workers don’t want encouragement. On the opposite hand, those that doubt, who really feel stranded for lack of prospects for evolution, discover valuable help, a necessary lever to search out power and proceed to maneuver ahead.

Is it actually strategic, when workers endure greater than ever from a deep lack of recognition at work? In France, this evil is broadly shared. The figures converse for themselves: in 2021, a survey carried out by Hays with 17,000 professionals revealed that 44 % of them had already resigned for lack of actual recognition. Even extra, 55 % deplore the absence of this straightforward however very important look, the one which validates, helps and helps their dedication. “For me, it’s a solution that can work for a while and that you really have to know how to dose, to prevent it from sounding wrong, and that you don’t think we don’t think,” admits Pauline. Afterwards, that doesn’t remedy the elemental downside: the shortage of time, which prevents us from accompanying as it will be needed every person who we supervise. It is an actual headache for a supervisor. »»

When the stuffing turkey shouldn’t be the one we think about

Afterwards, if flattery is usually perceived as a entice or manipulation, it isn’t at all times an impediment. In the skilled surroundings, it may possibly additionally show to be a lever, a useful resource and even a chance that some know how you can seize. For instance, a supervisor in entrance of workers who search to affect his choices by extreme compliments can select to fake to affix, save time, launch a brand new challenge or redirect priorities to his benefit. Likewise, a salesman confronted with a very acquainted and flattering buyer will typically be capable to return this consideration to barter higher situations, whereas remaining grasp of the sport.

Read too Lunch containers, stress and notifications: the already endangered breakTo hold your hand, you continue to have to remain vigilant. To do that, allow us to return to this fable of the fountain that everyone knows since childhood, that of the crow and the fox. She precisely reveals how flattery, behind her air of sweetness, at all times hides a entice that performs on our weaknesses. Nietzsche, in Thus spoke Zarathoustrapushes the reflection additional: some small souls use hugs compliments not solely to decrease what’s giant, but additionally to settle on the similar desk as these they need to dive. Where this story of animals warns towards the seduction of lovely phrases, Nietzsche detects a deeper battle, a wrestle the place the weak strive, by a delicate however formidable ploy, to overthrow the established order.

Flattery and disconnection: the chance of shedding foot

“My boss loves that he’s always repeated how nice he’s. He has this fixed have to really feel necessary, to be cherished, says Guillaume, 47, editorial supervisor in a communication company in Paris. He likes to speak about his successes, encompass himself with influential folks, as if to claim his place. And even when the flattery is a bit of too apparent, it nonetheless works with it. The downside is by dint of reacting solely to any such communication, it’s disadvantaged of knowledge that disturbs and progressively disconnects from the sector. Even extra annoying, criticism accumulates in silence, and it turns into the goal of mockery. This lack of transparency digs a rising ditch between him and people he’s alleged to direct.

Read too “For me, it’s Bullshit!” »: What actually is enterprise tradition for? In this sort of scenario, we higher perceive the scope of Voltaire’s formulation: “Compliments are the protocol of fools”, and that of the fountain: “Every flattering lives at the expense of the listening to it. The flattery only works if it finds an attentive ear, a spirit ready to be seduced. Flatter and flattered then embark on a dance of shadows and lights, where the roles of manipulator and manipulated intertwine. This troubled game is never innocent: it highlights our weaknesses, awakens hidden needs, and builds a fragile relationship, based on illusions that can collapse at any time.

Knowing how to choose your allies so as not to be fooled

Afterwards, it should not be believed that the beautiful words, sometimes too supported to be sincere, are addressed only to arrogant or to the thirsts for compliments. Managers, managers, employees, everyone can become the target, often without realizing it. Because without their knowledge, they impose, impress, or arouse respect mixed with fear. Flatterie, in this context, becomes a tool to calm tensions, ease relationships when it lacks the district in the face of a crushing presence. Machiavelli already warned of “this plague” that is flattery, which is difficult to defend yourself. To guard against it, he explains that it is crucial to surround himself well. : “By selecting clever males round him, and it’s only to them that he should grant the liberty to inform him the reality, and just for the affairs on which he questions them”. This prudence in the truth, far from being a weakness, is an essential strategy.

Read too “We have switched to idiocracy”: when the incompetent climb the ladder
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This logic doesn’t solely concern “the princes”, to make use of the expression of the Italian poet, or those that revolve on the high of the enterprise. It applies as effectively to a supervisor, who should juggle typically contradictory voices and pursuits to make knowledgeable choices, in addition to an worker confronted with a fancy surroundings, who should be taught to decide on who to belief and who to entrust his doubts. Surrounding your self with good folks is transferring ahead with readability, with out being drowning within the video games of appearances and the unsaid that cross the skilled world. Today greater than ever, staying vigilant, systematically questioning lovely phrases, has grow to be important. A 2014 LinkedIn examine reveals that two thirds of technology Y workers say they’re able to sacrifice a friendship to acquire a promotion, a habits that 62 % of their dad and mom firmly reject.

It clearly seems that flattery is a fragile and dangerous sport which, within the skilled world, can appease tensions, facilitate exchanges and provide a respite from the advanced challenges of human relations. It slips between the phrases, hides the weaknesses and creates a deceptive phantasm on the coronary heart of the silent conflicts which agitate the interactions. But by dint of caressing the ego to the detriment of the reality, it encloses. Nourished by our weaknesses and our fears, it raises invisible obstacles and retains us away from what is sensible. Confuse flattery and honest recognition weakens frequent sense, weakens belief and jeopardizes collaboration. Learning to navigate on this advanced sport, at all times selecting your allies with discernment is to offer your self the means to advance with out being fooled by appearances, whereas protecting in thoughts that every delicate phrase can disguise a entice. This will be the hardest lesson that the world of labor requires those that need to final. César Borgia, regardless of all his crafty, didn’t know how you can observe her: betrayed by Pope Jules II, who had helped him to rise to energy. This betrayal recollects that in enterprise as elsewhere, blind confidence is a luxurious that nobody can provide.

https://www.lepoint.fr/economie/la-flatterie-fonctionne-toujours-avec-lui-quand-les-compliments-deviennent-une-strategie-de-pouvoir-02-06-2025-2591014_28.php