What is the favored “bird test,” and what can it actually reveal about your relationship? | EUROtoday
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VWill our couple cross the “bird test”? It’s the identify of the newest invention that is successful on social media, and it is imagined to let you know whether or not your associate is sufficiently – or not – concerned in your relationship. Many TikTook and Instagram customers have already adopted it, and are praising its deserves.
Concretely, the take a look at consists of claiming to your associate, with out giving them extra context: “I noticed a chicken at this time. »We should, experiences the New York Timesthis invention to Layne Berthoud. In a video posted on TikTook, the American occupational therapist reveals herself saying this sentence to her husband. He hesitates, then questions him “Ah, sure? “. Without knowing it, this simple answer – followed by other questions – had made him pass the test with flying colors.
“Attempt to connect”
Because this test is supposed to show whether your partner responds positively – or not – when looking for interaction: if he shows curiosity at the mention of something as simple as a bird, bingo. In psychological jargon, we say that the partner responds to the other’s “attempt to connect”. The term, popularized by marital relations researcher John Gottman and his wife, clinical psychologist and researcher Julie Gottman, is his indicator that a couple is happy. The more partners recognize and respond to these attempts, which take the form of requests for attention, the more likely it is to last.
@laynebobayne I attempted to do it when he was essentially the most distracted – which implies taking part in Fortnite �� #birdtheory #birdtest #husbandwife #marriage #parentsoftiktok
♬ authentic sound – Layne
According to a research performed by the Gottmans, {couples} who keep married the longest reply to those requests for consideration 86% of the time – in comparison with solely 33% of the time for individuals who do not final.
“We are not perfect, even happily married couples are not”
From there to saying that the “bird test” ensures the success – or failure – of your relationship, is there just one step? Not so quick. If responding to one another’s indicators of consideration is helpful for the couple, the context should clearly be taken into consideration. Carrie Cole, director of analysis on the Gottman Institute, spoke to the New York Times : “I have mixed feelings about this. What if your partner fails? We’re not perfect – even happily married couples aren’t. What will happen then? »
She calls for not setting up the result as an artificial scenario as the ultimate sign that one’s relationship should be invested in or not. Carrie Cole “hopes people don’t see this as a sign that the relationship is doomed.” Instead, I hope they see it as an opportunity to engage in a deeper discussion about meeting their needs. » Above all, specialists emphasize the importance of not putting yourself to the test beyond reason in your relationship, but rather of responding positively to the other’s attempts to get closer, and of asking the questions you want to ask directly, without resorting to subterfuge.
A “little rewarding side of seeing your partner pass the test”
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Answer
In latest years, comparable exams have proliferated – witness the “orange peel theory” (which consists of asking your associate to do one thing which you could merely do your self, like peeling an orange, and seeing if she or he agrees to your request). For medical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, “there is a little gratifying side to seeing your partner pass a test” – amplified by the dissemination of this success on social networks.
Also and above all, these exams, an up to date model of the connection quizzes previously present in magazines, are proof that we’re more and more in search of to grasp the components of failure and success of intimate relationships. Alexandra Solomon cites the collective questioning of individuals in relationships as proof: “One of the questions we ask ourselves initially and all through our intimate relationships is: ‘Is every thing okay? How are issues going between us?’ »
https://www.lepoint.fr/societe/qu-est-ce-que-le-tres-populaire-test-de-l-oiseau-et-que-peut-il-vraiment-reveler-sur-votre-couple-05-11-2025-2602484_23.php