Rafael de Julia: “Anorexia is the most difficult bull of my life” | Culture | EUROtoday

On March 23, 2025, Rafael de Julia miraculously emerged alive from the inaugural bullfight of the season on the Las Ventas bullring in Madrid after killing, who is aware of how, the 2 bulls that fell to his lot. It’s not a metaphor. The anorexia that was recognized days later, when he lastly agreed to obtain assist, had him on the verge of loss of life, in accordance with what the docs advised him. Almost 9 months have handed, however there are processes that require extra time than a being pregnant and De Julia continues to be on the trail to restoration. Appointment in Loeches, the small Madrid city the place he lives, close to the populous Torrejón de Ardoz, the place he grew up and the place, on the age of 6, he stood in entrance of a calf for the primary time. We spoke in a restaurant, abandoned at that hour, the place they know him and deal with him with quiet deference and respect. The cheerful Christmas environment that reigns outdoors clashes with the deep unhappiness in his eyes.

How do you do not forget that bullfight?

He was in a state of brutal desolation. Terrified. Not due to the bull, however due to my state of affairs. Dislocated. Only. Frozen from chilly. He was not an individual. That, in Madrid, with 20,000 spectators within the stands, with arduous farming. Defending myself from the bull, killing the bullfight was a superhuman effort. I simply requested God to have the ability to return dwelling to my spouse and daughter and overlook about the whole lot. Of the whole lot. Then the docs defined it to me. I’m 1.80 tall and did not weigh 50 kilos. I had only a few heartbeats. My coronary heart may have stopped at any second. It was a miracle that he got here out alive. It’s a miracle he is nonetheless alive.

How had he gotten to that state?

I began bullfighting at a really younger age, and I had stopped in 2013. For private causes and need, eager to return to my dream, I returned to bullfighting in 2020 and twice in 2022, with the concept of ​​giving myself that new and final alternative. I had my life, my household, I used to be a professor on the bullfighting college, however there was inside me an ember of a bonfire that has by no means been extinguished. I ready myself to loss of life. I started to coach with iron self-discipline, as if I had been making ready for the Olympics, however, as a substitute of at 20, at 45, with the blind religion that this effort can be rewarded. And, then, I do a very good job in Chinchón (Madrid).

And you prefer it.

And I take pleasure in it, and I savor it, and it makes me glad. And occasions are starting to show me proper. And I give 100%. Training hours and hours. No fats, no pastries, no alcohol, nothing in any respect. Eating simply sufficient to maintain me going. And, thus, I handle to do an important performances of my profession. I’ve like two voices inside me. One, the one who takes care of me, the one who tells me that I’ve to eat effectively, prepare with high quality, dosage myself. And one other, the one which tells me that to get what I need I’ve to do what nobody does. And that voice wins over the opposite, and will increase my self-demand, and my strain, and takes over me to the purpose of dominating me. Until that afternoon arrived and I ended even listening to that voice. I did not even have the energy to face up.

How does your remedy begin?

When I depart the sq. I give myself completely to my family members, and to the docs. I used to be stunned that they weren’t stunned to obtain a person like me, a bullfighter, 45 years previous. They advised me he arrived in a vital situation. I opened up utterly with them. The first few weeks I’m like on a cloud. He wasn’t even conscious of what had occurred, however, above all, what was to come back. I wanted to settle down. I had subjected my physique and thoughts to such brutal calls for that I wanted relaxation. But, when that arrives, the actually difficult half begins. Ask your self how I get out of right here, how I give which means to my life, what repercussions what has occurred to me and mine has had on me. These are unanswered questions: you might be full of nervousness and destructive ideas. The actually troublesome factor, no less than in my case, is that you just enter a depressive state by which you see no purpose to proceed. It scared me to see actually destroyed folks within the hospital. That scared me way more than any bull and I believe it made me react.

How are you now?

More steady. Physically, I’m not within the threat zone, however I’m not at 100% both. They do not let me see my weight once I go to the physician, however I have to be round 60 kilos. The weight factor is nearly the least essential factor. Emotionally, I’m stronger, as a result of there have been very vital moments. I do not wish to fall into victimhood, however for those who do not discover causes to proceed, issues get ugly. I’m on the best way.

He has a spouse, somewhat daughter, his mom, his brothers. How can household and buddies assist an individual of their circumstances?

It is a really difficult query. It could be very troublesome to have the ability to assist, loads. It’s not price saying ‘eat’. Hopefully. I perceive that youthful folks, youngsters, adolescents, can lie, say that they haven’t eaten and never do it, as a result of I do know very effectively what it’s like for them to do it by chance. I do not. I’m 46 years previous, it isn’t the identical. Even although my thoughts shouldn’t be proper, it’s a mature thoughts. So, I ask not a lot that you just assist me, however that you just not mortify me. The elementary factor is that point passes, like a effective rain, and on this there are not any instances. I want an surroundings that doesn’t mark me, that transmits tranquility to me. I ask for understanding, affection, persistence and, I ask myself to have the ability to discover a purpose for pleasure in your life. I’m nonetheless at it.

What would it not be like so that you can be cured?

My concept is to struggle once more. So, I discover my well-being in dwelling like a bullfighter, with the everlasting phantasm of making ready to struggle. I proceed dwelling as a bullfighter. I stay for the bull.

What is it to stay for the bull?

Train your physique, however, above all, your thoughts, for the bull. Study the bull, your self, to evolve as a bullfighter. Prepare for these emotions you’ve inside to emerge. Spend 24 hours enthusiastic about the research of your occupation.

But you’re a instructor at a bullfighting college, you might be speculated to know the whole lot.

Everything is rarely identified. I stood in entrance of my first bull once I was 6 years previous. My mother and father had a bar like this one the place we’re. Full of images of bullfighters, I’ve skilled the passion since I used to be little. Forty years after going through my first calf, my ardour, the flame of my life, continues to be bullfighting. I’ve gone by completely different phases, however at all times across the bull. I’ve made my household, I’ve a spouse and a daughter whom I am keen on, I’m within the means of overcoming a really severe sickness attributable to my obsession with bullfighting. Bullfighting has led me to it and, God keen, it is going to make me get out of it.

In different phrases, bullfighting is his heaven and his hell.

This sickness by no means fails to reaffirm to me that, till the day I stop to exist, my thoughts shall be targeted on the bull. I’ve tried, I’ve begged, to deal with one other place, on one other path that would offer me with that private well-being. I have never been capable of.

Some folks discuss their consuming dysfunction like a drug. Like an habit with out substance.

The factor is that I’ve hated, however I’ve cherished that voice of demand. The drawback with this illness is that it’s in that demand the place you are feeling good, the place you are feeling glad, since you management and that creates unbelievable well-being. I, being impressively weak, have felt like Don Quixote, a superior being in entrance of the bull, receiving it at gayola door. That well-being provides you a brutal hook as a result of, as well as, he obtained good opinions as a bullfighter. The drawback with this illness is you could eliminate alcohol by not ingesting. But you might want to eat thrice a day. You should face meals thrice a day.

How did your fellow bullfighters react once they discovered about your sickness?

Very loving, very understanding. They did not know something. They noticed me badly, however I did not even put a reputation to what was taking place to me. There have been individuals who didn’t dare to name me after which apologized to me. I’ve felt whole help, plenty of encouragement and in addition some admiration for combating this. I take this interview as a part of my restoration, as a result of my nice problem is to return. I’ve nothing to show to myself. I’ve given my 100%, even when I’ve not been capable of reap the rewards. But I want this time of relaxation. I do not know if I’ll win the match, however I’m satisfied that, if I struggle bullfighting once more, God keen, I will categorical various things in entrance of the bull, as a result of, when an individual suffers a lot for thus lengthy, it leaves its mark.

What did you are feeling while you noticed Morante of Pueblawho has spoken about his psychological sickness, all of the sudden minimize his ponytail?

I get very excited. Lot. It was a day of absolute dedication and, when she took off her ponytail as an indication of retreat, it stunned everybody. To me, actually not. For many causes. I noticed an individual completely torn inside and could not take it anymore. Morante fights on the sting of the abyss, with a dedication that transcends logic and that dedication can’t final over time. He has proven us that, regardless of not being effectively, he can bullfight higher than anybody else. Suffering when it’s deep makes you are feeling bullfighting differently. I want you that on this time of not bullfighting you discover the tranquility and well-being essential to maneuver ahead.

How a lot braveness does it take to face anorexia?

This is way more difficult than any process. Anorexia is essentially the most troublesome bull of my life. My 24 hours are for the bull. My physique, my thoughts, is on the service of my occupation, I stay for it, I am fond of it. But, when one thing like this involves you, you do not know how one can take care of it. Doctors make it easier to, however to a sure level, and there are occasions while you really feel like they don’t seem to be serving to you in any respect. You are alone. There is plenty of loneliness, even if in case you have lots of people round you. Me, in entrance of the bull, though generally I’ve a tough time, I really feel succesful. But that is one thing else and generally I really feel like I’m not going to have the ability to struggle this bull. The loneliness of the illness is far tougher than being alone in entrance of the bull.

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