He offers himself up and sends a message to youth | EUROtoday

“J‘Anticipais from the previous evening my dose of the next morning, as my fear of lack was visceral. “Heroinomaniac at 14, imprisoned at 24, recognized with HIV in the identical yr … The tough course of Laurent Gay testifies to a unprecedented power of resilience, which he delivers in all modesty and humility. Friday, March 7, the sixties, residing in Lille, went to the premises of Point. Installed within the newspaper’s video studio [la vidéo à retrouver en tête de l’article]he takes place his story, “who likes to speak so much”.

“I forgot this life that I didn’t like”

Laurent Gay grew up in a employees’ household within the north of Paris, between the Porte de la Chapelle and the Porte d’Aubervilliers. Iroverted little one and in a merciless lack of self -confidence, he undergoes harassment from an early age. Very alone, he finds refuge in a band of “caïds” the place violence reigns. The similar who has grown in him for years: “I have fought with one of the strongest and I was able to integrate this band. »»

From the age of 12, this small group experienced various psychoactive substances. Smoking tobacco, resin and cannabis flowers, he has the feeling of being “completely uninhibited from the world”. He admits: ” [Grâce aux produits]I forgot this life that I didn’t like. However, in search of stronger sensations and in the face of the high cost of these products, he explores alternatives, especially in drugstores. They discover trichlorethylene, an industrial solvent used for the degreasing of metals, which they will “soak in cotton and sniff”. This substance, as dangerous as they are acible, offers him an escape, but also removes a friend, who died after consuming it.

Read too 3-MMC, this synthetic drug which is gaining ground among young peopleAt 14, he crossed a milestone by discovering the heroine, a drug that “completely turned his brain to him”. Despite the fear of injection consumption, he finds the comfort of being “anesthetized with [s]is emotions ”. “This drug is a trap, it gives a powerful sensation to get on the floors, but the fall is brutal and the desire to resume is immense. Although he is not yet completely dependent at that age, he constantly seeks means to find money for his consumption of heroin. For this, he commits “small lacins, flights, burglaries”.

Trauma experience of lack

Then one day, during a burglary in a warehouse, he ended in police custody. A 48 -hour police custody during which he first feels “the bodily ache of lack”. It was at this moment that he realized his total dependence on drugs: “I might now not have this freedom to abstain, as a result of I used to be a prisoner in it. »»

After this lack of lack, Laurent organizes his each day life round a single obsession: medication. “I anticipate the day before my dose of the next morning, as my fear of lack is visceral,” says the Parisian. Unemployed, he wanders within the streets of his neighborhood, in perpetual quest for his valuable dose; Without a set dwelling, he finds refuge typically right here, typically there, ending up failing in malfamous squats. During this era, the younger man undertook a number of detoxing cures, all doomed to failure. It was nonetheless throughout certainly one of them that he met his old flame, Florence.

Read too Alcohol, tobacco and hashish, medication down among the many youngestTogether, lovers domesticate a relationship as intense as it’s harmful. “She gradually rocks in drugs and we become a couple of drug addicts …” After a number of widespread makes an attempt to free themselves from the grip of heroin, the younger couple decides to offer which means to their existence by conceiving a baby. Florence shortly turns into pregnant. She was then 20 years previous, he 24. But throughout the early being pregnant medical examinations, docs uncover the HIV -positiveness of the long run mom. Florence should due to this fact interrupt her being pregnant and died 5 years later, carried away by AIDS.

Following the announcement of Florence’s seropositivity and the lack of their unborn little one, the couple sinks into despair. On a number of events, they attempt to finish their life with deadly cocktails mixing medication, alcohol and medicines.

Prison and saving click on

This interval, Laurent describes it as “a real descent into hell”: “As soon as we can find a substance to inject ourselves, we do it without hesitation. In the absence of drugs, we become tense, violent. We are ready to do anything to get our dose. »»

Ready to everything, even if it means crossing the boundaries of legality. In 1987, Laurent Gay found himself involved in a brawl which ended in the death of a man. Incarcerated, he again faces the torture of the lack. If physical withdrawal is reduced after several weeks, psychological withdrawal is much more trying. The same year, the detainee learned that he was also the bearer of HIV.

Read too Eradicate HIV in 2030? It is possible, but it is not wonConvinced that his end is close, he considers suicide. But before taking action, he says he lives a mystical experience, a vision of Christ which upsets him deeply. Following this “woken dream”, this click, Laurent fights his self -destructive impulses. After a year of incarceration, the man is released for dismissal, the justice having established that he had acted in a state of self-defense.

When he left prison, Laurent relapses unfortunately, before being admitted under duress in a psychiatric establishment. The doctors then prescribed him a powerful drug sedation, a true chemical camisole that hinders him. The man is then 29 years old. “I develop into an actual vegetable …” Due to the aggressiveness of his AIDS, he is transferred to a palliative care service. It was there that he meets Paul-Emmanuel, a volunteer who becomes a precious friend. “It is the primary one that tells me that I’m an excellent individual, and it’s he who turns into the instrument of my redemption, the initiator of a brand new life path. »»

“It is always possible to bounce back”

Thanks to this providential buddy, Laurent joined a non secular neighborhood welcoming sufferers on the finish of life. Within this neighborhood, Laurent “finally discovers the meaning of [sa] life “. At the identical time, he is likely one of the first sufferers to learn from remedies towards AIDS, thus dismissing the spectrum of demise that hovers over him.

To uncover



The kangaroo of the day

Answer

Finding a style for existence and free of his addictions, Laurent undertakes a affected person reconstruction inside this neighborhood for 9 years. During this era of rebirth, he meets the one who will develop into his spouse, with whom he has shared his life for 25 years. From this union are born two kids. “Doctors say, however, that I can never be a father,” he mentioned, stuffed with gratitude for the trail traveled.

Read too “It cost me everything”: the descent into hell of an previous addict to cocaineToday, Laurent devotes his existence to prevention towards medication and delinquency. He printed a piece entitled torn from hell: the resurrection of a drug addict and animates conferences in numerous colleges to testify to his resilience profession with younger individuals. “To all of the younger individuals who hearken to me: even within the darkest moments, it’s at all times potential to bounce again. When you develop into a prisoner of a substance, a display screen or every other dependence, you lose your freedom. However, life is a unprecedented journey that should be absolutely residing. »»